


He Who Saves the World

by potionsmaster



Series: The In-Betweens [13]
Category: Mass Effect, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eulogies, M/M, Memorials, Mentions of Major Character Death in the game canon (Shepard), Snuggling, he's alive in this though, musings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-08-02 21:12:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16312808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potionsmaster/pseuds/potionsmaster
Summary: Thane’s funeral and Kaidan’s musings on his unlikely friend in the hospital, life, death, dying, and Shepard.  Calls back toCrying Skyand a few things I haven’t posted yet in games 2 and 3.





	He Who Saves the World

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mareel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mareel/gifts).



> Happy birthday, my treasured friend. I thank the stars above that we met and you’re in my life
> 
> I’m going through a really rough time at home right now, and I’m sorry this isn’t happy fluff, but...it seems fitting and…never mind, just...happy birthday, in any case. Hope you like the insider’s look in Kaid’s head.
> 
> To be read with [this song playing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4g3t19vqJg)

**_He Who Saves the World,_ ** by potionsmaster

 

Rating: T for language, rather morose musings and unhappy thoughts

 

 ~*~*~*~

 

“We are gathered here to honor the life of Thane Krios...”

 

A low voice filtered up to the second floor from the living room, washing over Kaidan like familiar music in the background.  Blessed relief...his migraine was finally over and John’s pleasant rumble no longer grated on the inside of his skull. He loved the man dearly, but meds, dark, and quiet were really the only remedies that did anything when his migraines flared.  It took a little bit of convincing, but John finally had learned to leave Kaidan to his own devices when one struck; the commander hated being helpless, but there was nothing else for it.

 

“Thane touched each of our lives in different ways.  The councilor knew him as a hero. The Normandy’s crew knew him as a brother-in-arms...and others as a father devoted to his son.”

 

‘ _And still others as ‘Tannor Nuara’...’_ Kaidan huffed to himself, amused as he could be, considering the circumstance.   _‘Mild-mannered and unassuming a drell if there ever was one.’_  He’d been a little surprised to have a random visitor sitting quietly beside his hospital bed on occasion in Huerta, and even more so to find out what, or rather, _who_ , they had in common for a moment until he could have kicked himself for not putting two and two together right off the bat.  He’d known of a drell Shepard had worked with, and he knew that same drell had some kind of illness. He hadn’t recognized the name, but that fact was something they both chuckled over as they talked.

 

_“My name matters not.  Only what I know. And I know my promise to him sets our mutual friend at ease, even if he never says it.”_

 

_“What promise is that, Tannor?”_

 

_“That I would watch over you.  I know you are more than capable, Major-” a hand raised up to silence any protest as the drell stifled a small coughing fit, “-but it is a gift I’m sure you can appreciate.”_

 

_“My own unofficial bodyguard and security detail?” he had wryly asked._

 

 _“No.”  More coughs wracked the wasted frame in front of him.  “The peace of mind that comes from_ having _the unofficial bodyguard.”_

 

He slithered out of bed and slipped into John’s hoodie, padding barefoot out to the sunken den outside the bedrooms.  It kind of reminded him of the rec room back home at the orchard.   _Home._  He swallowed hard and pushed that thought back; he couldn’t afford to think of it right now.  

 

“There’s an old human saying: whoever saves one life...saves the world entire.’  It’s not about a planet but the value of each of us…”

 

He froze. Of all the things he’d been expecting Shepard to say, _that_ definitely wasn’t it.  The words stabbed through his gut and stole his breath away as unbidden memories crashed over him and he fell onto one of the couches.  Rain. Gray, twisted tree limbs clawing at an equally gray and uncaring sky. The day had been cold and heavy, another private memorial service, but his and his alone for John after the attack on the SR-1.  He was back at the orchard, his mother’s arms around him and ear pressed against her chest, feeling the thrum of her voice in her chest rather than hearing the words. Lost. Her words hadn’t meant much at the time, meaningless platitudes, but now?  The gravity of them settled in the pit of his stomach.

 

 _“..._ _He knew what he was doing...he wouldn’t have wanted you to go down with the ship.  He…” her voice wavered for a moment. “He made it so you could come home. That means_ everything _to me.  And to the families of the people you saved.  He who saves one life saves the world entire, you know.”_

 

It was an old Jewish proverb, and one he hadn’t thought of it again until he heard John say it just now.  How simple a concept, yet so... _big_.  Sure, the fate of the galaxy was at stake, but the individual lives?  The universe shrank to encompass just a few people to each of those lives.  His own had revolved around his future with John and it had shattered that awful day.  And then in Vancouver, with the Reaper attack, it shrank down again. His folks. Anderson and Vega.  Joker and the skeleton crew of the Normandy when they dashed to Shepard’s rescue. And then just John, reaching out for him as he leapt aboard the ship, waves crashing beneath them.

 

“...but I _do_ know my whole world could have come to an end then, and it didn’t…”

 

The Collector mission.  Shepard was talking about the reason he and Tannor-no, Thane, had met.  “Boy, do I know the feeling, John…” he muttered, wrapping his arms around himself and burying his nose in the soft cloth on his shoulder; he could almost pretend it was Shepard’s arms around him as the scent calmed him.  It had felt like his world ended in flaming pieces along with the Normandy over Alchera, but it hadn’t. He’d numbly gone about life, throwing himself into work and the gym, ever moving, never stopping, for if he did, his world would crumble around him again and leave him empty and dead as he believed his future to be.

 

_He who saves one life…_

 

Shepard had saved thousands upon millions, twice now, and they were expecting him to do it a third time.  But it was easy to forget the scale and the magnitude. Abstracts. Numbers that big were hard to wrap his head around when he tried to picture the scale.  Most of them barely knew about the Battle of the Citadel, and only a select few had known about the Collectors.

 

About a year ago he had been sitting in the office downstairs, yards away from where the rest of them were gathered now, with his fingers pressed to his lips and heart stuttering in his chest as he sat and listened to the live transmission with Anderson and Hackett; Joker had been sending Anderson periodic updates on the reborn Normandy’s movements and figured out a way to patch the transmission of the final mission through.  The only other time he had felt that utterly helpless was when he had been forced yet again to be frozen in his seat blind and dumb, only listening, but that time it had been painful gasps and escaping oxygen, choked last words spoken with the dying breath. _“J’adore, Kaidan…”_

 

He’d gone limp with relief, almost knocking over his forgotten whiskey as Anderson had clapped his hand on Kaidan’s shoulder in assuagement when Joker confirmed the improbable: Shepard was alive.  He’d survived the Omega 4 Relay and done the impossible yet again. Only this time, it had gone largely unnoticed by the galaxy. All their own little worlds were saved, allowed to continue unimpeded and free, concentric rings overlapping over and over in bigger and bigger ripples until it encompassed the farthest reaches of the galaxy in one beautiful, chaotic blanket of lives being lived.  

 

_...saves the world entire…_

 

More like the galaxy.  

 

“...Kaidan?”  

 

He jumped, snapping his head around at the interruption of his musing and immediately regretting it, pressing the heel of his palm into his left eye until the sparkles in his vision faded and the rushing in his ears stopped.

 

“Y-yeah!  Hi. Nice...speech you gave, there.  Sorry I wasn’t feeling well enough to be down there with everyone else-”

 

“Kaid…” came the gentle admonishment as the commander tipped Kaidan’s chin up and placed a gentle kiss on his lips.  “What’re you doing out of bed? I thought you’d be laid up until tomorrow.”

 

Kaidan hummed against his lips, tension he didn’t know he’d held onto draining out of his shoulders.  “I wanted to listen. And luckily, I felt good enough to do it. Couldn’t really hear from the bed, though, so I moved.”  He wrapped his arms around John and tugged him over the back of the couch.

 

 _“Oof,”_ Shepard grunted, bracing himself above Kaidan before collapsing off to the side so he didn’t crush him.  “Well, I’m glad. You could’ve come down, y’know.”

 

“I don’t think pajama pants and your hoodie were exactly the proper attire for the event, but thanks anyway.”

 

“Pff...you and proper etiquette,” the commander scoffed playfully, running his nose behind Kaidan’s ear before kissing it.  “ _I_ don’t think there’s anything wrong with the way you’re dressed…”

 

Kaidan squirmed in his arms, shivering as John tucked his fingers underneath Kaidan’s waistband and traced the lotus tattoo nestled in the hollow of his left hip.  “Uh-huh, of course you don’t. Heathen.” He rolled over and wrapped his arms around John’s neck, rubbing the tips of their noses together. “ _Commander_ heathen, yeah, yeah. I know.”

 

“It’s like you know me or something,” John chuckled.  “C’mon. We should get some food in you. I think there’s still some sushi from before we started.  The platter’s on ice, so it should be ok. If you feel up for it, anyway.”

 

“Sushi?”

 

“Mmhm.  It’s amazing how eager Ryuusei was to deliver to the apartment once they found out who I was.  Turns out if you save the galaxy twice, they’re a little impressed.”

 

“Uh-huh.  Sure. That’s definitely the reason.  More like they don’t want to chance you destroying their floors and upping the body count of aquatic creatures in their care, babe.  Hey- _ow_ , heh...”  Shepard had gently swatted his asscheek.

 

“Ass... _Major_ Ass, yeah, yeah, I know…” the commander teased back.

 

Kaidan yawned, snuggling into John’s arms.  “...I don’t want to move just yet.”

 

“Mmkay.  We can stay like this for a little bit, but you _do_ need food soon.”

 

“Yes, _sir_ ,” he shot back, brushing his lips over John’s neck before relaxing on him again.  Shepard tugged a blanket over them, gently rubbing their cheeks together. The sounds of the sky cars zipping by and the rest of the apartment settled into silence, their universe reducing to just the two of them on the couch.  There weren’t enough moments like these, just the two of them. Another wave of sadness threatened to overwhelm him; odds weren’t in their favor for surviving the war. Who knew how much time they had left, how many more moments together they could steal.  Shepard had cheated death twice now. ‘Third time’s the charm’ was an idiom he refused to think about but nagged at the back of his head all the same. Kaidan tightened his arms around the commander, voice quiet and muffled against John’s skin. “...I love you, you know.  You’re my world entire.”  John’s fine, slender fingers traced up his back as he pressed a kiss on the top of his hair, voice equally quiet.

 

“...I love you, too, Kaid.  Always.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
